For the male sexist pigs amongst us(Who? Me?)
HAZARDOUS SUBSTANCE INFORMATION BULLETIN
Safety Data Sheet
“WOMAN”' - An Analysis
Anatomic Mass: Accepted as 52.6kg but may vary from 40kg to 200kg.
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban zones. Less prevalent in rural areas except small, local, concentrations may be found at weekly intervals in school, village and church halls in an active state and at monthly intervals in a more discussive state.
1.0 PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1.1 Surface usually covered with painted film during daylight and white oily substance at night.
1.2 Melts readily if handled correctly and given very special treatment.
1.3 Boils at absolute nothing.
1.4 May explode spontaneously, or freeze, without warning and for no readily apparent reason.
1.5 Yields to pressure applied at correct points.
1.6 Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious and semi-precious stones.
1.7 Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation with alcohol.
1.10 Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
1.11 Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.
1.12 Becomes bitter if incorrectly used.
2.0 COMMON USES:
2.1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2.2 Can be clear aid in relaxation.
2.3 Very efficient cleaning agent.
2.4 Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
3.1 Pure specimens will turn rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
3.2 Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
4.0 POTENTIAL HAZARDS:
4.1 Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
4.2 Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other when a critical mass may occur.
(My apologies to the ladies and the unknown author.)