Archive for Nglreturns is a forum to discuss religion, philosophy, ethics etc...

NGLReturns Daily Quiz - Play here!
 Forum Index -> Jokes

Sexist joke nirvana..........

......why-oh-why hasn't there been a woman on the moon?

......because it doesn't need cleaning yet. can't right comedy like that..........

...oh dear I just did.  

  I really shouldn't titter at that y'know...

A man was walking along the coast one day, praying to God as he always did. Suddenly he looked up and said:

"Lord, I have never asked for anything for myself before, please grant me one wish. Please build a bridge from here to to Hawaii so that I can drive over there whenever I wish."

"Son", replied God. "Think about what you ask for - it is such a materialistic gift - surely there is something that you can request that would give greater glory to me? Besides, think of the logistics and practicalities: the cement needed, the iron - the building of it to make it safe!"

So the man thought about it for a while then said:

"Lord, I have been married and divorced 3 times - all of my ex-wives accused me of being insensitive. I want to understand what women want, how they think, why they can so emotional and weepy, and so moody when the kitchen floor doesn't stay clean. Help me to understand women Lord."

There was silence for a few moments.

"Do you want 2 lanes or 4 on the bridge then?"
Judders Lady...

Sexiest jokes against women.

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
You made her chain too long

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men..
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Had to laugh at this...
Judders Lady...

woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."

The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???"

The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."

The woman says, "A hermaphrodite... what's that???"

The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has features...of a male and a female."

The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my god! You mean it has a penis...AND a brain?" Forum Index -> Jokes
Page 1 of 1
Create your own free forum | Buy a domain to use with your forum