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Some puns

1.  The roundest  knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.  He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw  an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an  optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a  whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band  pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon  of math disruption.

5 The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how  much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth  to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown  into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum  Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been  found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a  non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why  the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

15. A sign on the  lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the  Grass.'


16. A small boy  swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.  When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken  crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man  did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do  it.

19. The short  fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who  survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
     
21. A backward poet  writes inverse.

22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

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