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The Bible Doesn't Mention Any "Ice Age," So SHUT U

Hollywood is trying for a third time to  push their liberal, anti-Christian agenda!  With "Ice Age 3," they come even closer to outdoing the outrageous, Godly truth we teach our children from the Holy Bible! Please read the review/action alert below. It applies to all three stupid secular Ice Age movies, since they are essentially the same ungodly pro-bestiality/anti-Creationism film!

FREEHOLD, IOWA - After only 2-minutes into Disney's film, "Ice Age," its clear that the intent of the feature is not to entertain young viewers, but to indoctrinate them with "scientific theories." These theories (secular lies) are already being placed into our children's poor little heads each day they attend public school and are taught by lisping, homosexual, home-room teachers who spit AIDS and secular lies onto their clean white faces. Apparently, liberal scholars and most scientists now agree that a so called "ice age" was caused by an avalanche set off by a mutated (secular word for "demon-shaped") squirrel with buck teeth looking for acorns. Would you believe that unsaved people are buying into this outrageous garbage!

If scientists would stop spending 8-hours a day talking to monkeys and crack open the Holy Bible, they would be in for a rude awakening! The fact is, friends, there is no mention of "ice" in the Bible and the only mention of "age" refers to people who lived to be 900 years old. And if they lived that long, they most certainly would have remembered a so-called "ice age" and have wrote something down about it. Landover Baptist Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards explains, "The fountains of the great deep broke up after Noah parked his boat mount Ararat. This brought hot water and lava from Hell to the earth's surface right about the same time Noah's son, Ham (the first colored man) and generations of his offspring were cursed to be slaves because Ham got caught staring at his dad's tallywhacker. The debris from Satan's lair probably released water vapour and ashes from the lake of fire into the atmosphere. This possibly blocked out sunlight and cooled the land. Since the Bible doesn't really talk about an Ice Age, it's clear that the secular notions of such an event are based on theory rather than fact. The fact is, that Noah might have seen a few snow flurries, if anything at all, but that's about it."

With today's slick Hollywood special effects, True Christians® are being bombarded with false images of huge mammoth creatures being taken out of the ice and gigantic dinosaur bones being pulled out of canyons. "It's out of control," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "None of this has been proven and the people at the Discovery Channel refuse to let accredited Creation Scientists examine their 'so-called' evidence. Now our innocent Christian children are watching secular history cartoons like 'Ice Age' that fill their little heads with fantasies about talking animals that never existed! Well, friends- the Bible makes it perfectly clear in the book of Genesis, Chapter 1 and Numbers, Chapter 22 that the only animals that can talk are snakes and donkeys."

Most Pastors agree that if Christian parents would take their children out of public schools and invest their money in providing a sound Biblical education at a private Baptist School, it would solve most of the world's problems. "Kids won't even want to watch movies like 'Ice Age,'" says Pastor Deacon Fred. "There are so many more interesting stories in the Bible, and they are ALL true!" In most True Christian® schools, like Dr. Jerry Falwell's Liberty University, in Lynchburg, VA, they monitor, edit, and approve the movies that students are allowed to watch. Liberty University, a Baptist school, receives state funding and accredidation. "They have to teach evolution in their Biology classes in order to get that funding," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "But since I received a degree from that school, I can tell you that they teach it, and then they tell you it's a load of bunk."

For those parents who cannot afford to send their children to a private Christian school, Landover Baptist Educator and mother, Kathy Anne Hargraves, gave some sound advice at an emergency meeting of the Baptist Homeschooling Association. "If you don't know how to answer your child's questions after they see a movie like this, just tell them that Satan is the author of confusion and if they don't stop asking questions, demons are going to jump out from under their beds and bite off their feet," she said. "In most cases it's probably the truth and your child's mind will be put to rest. They're not likely to search for any knowledge outside of the Bible ever again. Shout Glory!"


I love the Landover Baptist site; it's hysterical.

Just checking, but you do know it's a parody don't you; you got confused by that Onion article a while back so I just thought I'd check.

Pukon_the_Treen wrote:
I love the Landover Baptist site; it's hysterical.

Just checking, but you do know it's a parody don't you; you got confused by that Onion article a while back so I just thought I'd check.

I do know it's a parody site. I just thought I'd see the reactions of others first. The thing is, you could imagine it was real, with a Fred Phelps type running it. It is hard to parody creationist bigots who really think like this as few can be as bad as they really are. Forum Index -> Atheist chat
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