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LornaDoone40

The King of the Sharp Wit and the Quick Retort (long)

One day, the King of the Sharp Wit and the Quick Retort received a request from a travelling circus to be allowed to put on a show in his Kingdom, so the King of the Sharp Wit and the Quick Retort gathered his Council together to discuss the matter.

However, the Council could not agree: half of them considered the circus to be purveyors of animal cruelty, the other half of the council thought that it would make excellent family entertainment.

So the King of the Sharp Wit and the Quick Retort continued to ponder the matter, until the following day his younger brother came bounding into the throne and said:

'Brother, brother - have you heard? The circus is coming! Won't that be thrilling?'

So that decided it - the King of the Sharp Wit and the Quick Retort instructed his secretary to issue an invitation to the circus to come to his Kingdom, with the provision that a royal box be set up so that the Prince would have the best seat to watch the show from.

A week later the circus duly arrived, and on the opening night of their first show the Prince eagerly took his seat in the royal box. The first half of the show went brilliantly, with a lion tamer and elephants and two pretty ladies in glittering costumes doing gymnastic tricks on two white horses.

At the start of the second half of the show, the clowns came out, prat-falling this way and tumbling that way and were followed by a particularly grand and well dressed clown who approached the royal box.

'Sir', said the clown to the Prince, 'I surmise that you have been on the stage in your life'.

'Why, yes,' said the Prince excitedly.

'Don't tell me what you did Sir, let me guess... where you the front end of a pantomime horse?'

'Well no,' said the Prince.

'Were you the back end of a pantomime horse?'

'Certainly not!' said the Prince

The grandly dressed clown looked back round at the audience and winked.

'In that case,' he said, 'I surmise that you must be no end of a horses ass Sir!'

The audience roared with laughter, but the Prince was not amused and very unhappy that his evening out had been ruined by the grandly dressed clown speaking to him in such an inappropriate manner. As soon as he arrived back at the palace, the Prince went and found his brother, the King of the Sharp Wit and the Quick Retort. As soon as the King heard what his brother had to say he was very cross - no one was allowed to address a member of the royal family in such a way, and he did not want this visiting circus setting some sort of precedent, so the King of the Sharp Wit and the Quick Retort decided to visit the circus himself the very next night.

Again, the first half of the show went brilliantly, with a lion tamer and elephants and two pretty ladies in glittering costumes doing gymnastic tricks on two white horses. The King was enjoying himself immensley.

At the start of the second half of the show, the clowns came out, prat-falling this way and tumbling that way and were followed by a particularly grand and well dressed clown who approached the royal box.

'Sir', said the clown to the King, 'I surmise that you have been on the stage in your life'.

'I may have,' said the King of the Sharp Wit and the Quick Retort.

'Don't tell me what you did Sir, let me guess... where you the front end of a pantomime horse?'

'No,' said the King of the Sharp Wit and the Quick Retort.

'Were you the back end of a pantomime horse?'

'No' said the the King of the Sharp Wit and the Quick Retort, who knew what was coming.

The grandly dressed clown looked back round at the audience and winked.

'In that case,' he said, 'I surmise that you must be no end of a horses ass Sir!'

The King of the Sharp Wit and the Quick Retort regarded the grandly dressed clown for a moment and then beckoned him to come closer to the royal box. The the King of the Sharp Wit and the Quick Retort leaned over to the clown and said

'Piss off you red nosed bastard!'


(note: this was told to a group of us the other night - about half of us laughed, the other half said they just didn't find it funny.)

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