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jaqueline

The Question

I peeped from behind the tree watching
as He walked by,
He stopped, not a word was said
but He smiled.

Together we walked to a beautiful house
full of rejoicing and laughter and a wonderful feast.
He seated me on His right side and gave me
food and wine

And He smiled,

'What do you want?'

And I replied,

'You know what I have always wanted'

And He said,

'What do you want?

'You know what I want, what I've always wanted' I cried, 'nothing but to serve You'

And He smiled.

'What do you want?'

Then I understood, not my needs but my wants,
not wants for others but what do I want?
And with anxious eyes
I gaze into that smiling, loving face
and the question hangs in the silent space -

What do I want?
Honey 56

What do I want?

Well I don't know about you Jaqueline?
But what I really want is..........

For Jesus to come back for me

Maranatha!

Honey 56
jaqueline

That is nice to know Honey 56 but that is not what Jesus is asking you - what do you want?
Leonard James

I think the one thing I want above all else is for humanity to live in peace and harmony, at the same time doing its best to protect the environment.

It's a big want, I know, but you did ask, Jaqueline!  
jaqueline

Nice to see you Leonard

It is a big ask, but the question is far more personal than that - it took me quite a while to really understand what the question means and once  understood, it wasn't easy to answer. Which is why I spent that time alone on the beach staring into the distance or just walking there as I struggled to understand what was it I really wanted.

In case you are wondering - I do know the answer to the question and it surprised me.
Jim

Maybe the question I ask myself isn't
"What do I want?" but
"What do I need?"
Leonard James

jaqueline wrote:
Nice to see you Leonard

It is a big ask, but the question is far more personal than that - it took me quite a while to really understand what the question means and once  understood, it wasn't easy to answer. Which is why I spent that time alone on the beach staring into the distance or just walking there as I struggled to understand what was it I really wanted.

OIC! Well, on a personal level I'm not lacking anything, so I suppose the only thing I can say I really want is continued good health.

Quote:
In case you are wondering - I do know the answer to the question and it surprised me.

Well don't keep me in suspense, Jackie ... what is it?
jaqueline

Jim wrote:
Maybe the question I ask myself isn't
"What do I want?" but
"What do I need?"


But that is not the question being asked. We are taught to ask for our needs not what we want because God knows that before we ask, but in this question when we are asked 'what do you want?' it goes right down inside you and is a very personal question, it is actually a very hard question to answer and you do need the space to think about it.
jaqueline

Quote:
Well don't keep me in suspense, Jackie ... what is it?


I thought long about it, took myself into quiet places to consider the meaning of the question. At first I thought the real answer was what I have been praying for for three years now re my granddaughter but I came to realise it was not that. I went through lots of different things and discarded them all. In the end I realised that what I really wanted was to be a granny to all 3 of my granddaughters, to take them all out together, on the beach, in the park -to be a granny is what I really want not as now to just two of them but to all three.
Jim

I remember a particularly obsessive Pentecostalist telling me that God would give me full sight if I wanted it, and if I believed that was possible. That set the spiritual cat among the pigeons for me.
Did I believe God could give me complete sight?
Did I want it?
Well, as to the first, after a lot of prayer, thought and wrestling with my then nascent faith, I concluded that, yes, I believe that God could do this. To say otherwise would have limeted the God whom I believe to have no limits.
But did I want it - full eyesight?
That might seem like a stupid question, but it isn't. I've never had full eyesight. I've managed so far without it. So what would it be like?
  When I became a Christian, I put all that I was, and am, in God's hands. My hopes, fears, dreams, ambitions, abilities, limitations - all of it. I decided that God could shape me and do what He wished with what I gave Him. Did I really need to have full eyesight?
What did my visual impairment do for me; was there anything positive in it?
Surprisingly, yes, I realised that there was, in fact something VERY positive, even joyful about it. Because I couldn't trust my own strength, I trusted God to guide me and put me in situations where He wanted me to be. Looking back, I realised that that is exactly what God had done in my life. So I actually got down on my knees and thanked Him for my visual impairment, a tool for learning to trust Him.
So what do I want?
The grace to trust Him to know what's best for me, and the mind to negotiate the doubts which crop up, learnibng to use them as springboards to a deeper walk with Him.
Leonard James

jaqueline wrote:
Quote:
Well don't keep me in suspense, Jackie ... what is it?


I thought long about it, took myself into quiet places to consider the meaning of the question. At first I thought the real answer was what I have been praying for for three years now re my granddaughter but I came to realise it was not that. I went through lots of different things and discarded them all. In the end I realised that what I really wanted was to be a granny to all 3 of my granddaughters, to take them all out together, on the beach, in the park -to be a granny is what I really want not as now to just two of them but to all three.

I sincerely hope that you get your wish, Jaquie ... I'm sure that if there is a God that he will grant it for you.
IvyOwl

Quote:
I sincerely hope that you get your wish, Jaquie ... I'm sure that if there is a God that he will grant it for you.  


Me too Jaquie. xxxxxx

IO
Ketty

jaqueline wrote:
In the end I realised that what I really wanted was to be a granny to all 3 of my granddaughters, to take them all out together, on the beach, in the park -to be a granny is what I really want not as now to just two of them but to all three.


I can't imagine the pain of not being able to do that.   I hope that one day you will get your want.

Jim wrote:

What did my visual impairment do for me; was there anything positive in it?
Surprisingly, yes, I realised that there was, in fact something VERY positive, even joyful about it. Because I couldn't trust my own strength, I trusted God to guide me and put me in situations where He wanted me to be. Looking back, I realised that that is exactly what God had done in my life. So I actually got down on my knees and thanked Him for my visual impairment, a tool for learning to trust Him.
So what do I want?
The grace to trust Him to know what's best for me, and the mind to negotiate the doubts which crop up, learnibng to use them as springboards to a deeper walk with Him.


God bless you Jim.  You're an inspiration.  
Honey 56

Jim wrote:
I remember a particularly obsessive Pentecostalist telling me that God would give me full sight if I wanted it, and if I believed that was possible. That set the spiritual cat among the pigeons for me.
Did I believe God could give me complete sight?
Did I want it?
Well, as to the first, after a lot of prayer, thought and wrestling with my then nascent faith, I concluded that, yes, I believe that God could do this. To say otherwise would have limeted the God whom I believe to have no limits.
But did I want it - full eyesight?
That might seem like a stupid question, but it isn't. I've never had full eyesight. I've managed so far without it. So what would it be like?
  When I became a Christian, I put all that I was, and am, in God's hands. My hopes, fears, dreams, ambitions, abilities, limitations - all of it. I decided that God could shape me and do what He wished with what I gave Him. Did I really need to have full eyesight?
What did my visual impairment do for me; was there anything positive in it?
Surprisingly, yes, I realised that there was, in fact something VERY positive, even joyful about it. Because I couldn't trust my own strength, I trusted God to guide me and put me in situations where He wanted me to be. Looking back, I realised that that is exactly what God had done in my life. So I actually got down on my knees and thanked Him for my visual impairment, a tool for learning to trust Him.
So what do I want?
The grace to trust Him to know what's best for me, and the mind to negotiate the doubts which crop up, learnibng to use them as springboards to a deeper walk with Him.


 

His grace is sufficient, PTL.

Honey
jaqueline

I hope that my answer to the question will be granted too.

The purpose of the question is too take us into ourselves, what we as ourselves want, not what others want for us no matter how well meaning or even if what they want and you want is the same but what you really want, that thing so hidden that even you are not aware of it, and so the question asked leads you ever deeper until in the end you come to your answer.

It is not an easy question to answer, it is hard as you struggle through the layers of things, of wants and needs but in the end you will find that answer. For me the answer reduced me to tears but at the same time a peace for this was what I really want - to be a granny to all three of my granddaughters together.
jaqueline

Jim, in his post, points out an important thing in that no matter how important it may seem to others and even to himself that he should be healed and see, he finally understood that to ask for that healing wasn't right because (in a nutshell) he who has always been blind would no longer be himself, so his answer says 'l want to be me' in so doing he becomes more use to God blind than seeing.

I fully relate to Jim's experience as being born deaf the same thing has happened to me and deep inside me I knew that it didn't matter what people said or prayered I would never be healed to hear because then I wouldn't be me, I would be what others wanted me to be and so like Jim I discovered that I was more use to God deaf than hearing and it is so hard to get people to understand that we are content as we are and to serve God with our disabilities and in so doing they become our gifts to God as well as others.

'What do you want?' is the question and sometimes we avoid the answer because we fear what it really is and so we never actually look at what God is asking, nor do we see His understanding of our fears, but to answer we must for it is asked out of love.

'My child, what do you want?'
Jim

Jaqueline;
I hope, and pray, that your want will be answered. What you have gone through is a trauma that is so hard to bear. I'm not married, neither do I have children, but there are strands of my family in my town who, for a reason I have never understood, ignored my mother, despite the  fact that, when they were younger, she helped care for them. Since her death, they continue to ignore me.
I know that pales into insignificance beside your situation, but I can empathise with you.
The Psalmist wrote
"Cast your cares on the LORD, and He will sustain you."
Writing it and reading it are the easy bits - it's doing it and leaving them there that get me beat, sometimes.

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